


Naming Terms

by dizmo



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Banter, Dialogue-Only, Episode: s01e07 The Hub, Gen, Podfic Available, Sitwell and Coulson are Bros, Snark, There Will Be a Reckoning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:58:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizmo/pseuds/dizmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'll handle the matter internally."</p><p>That's even sort of what happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Naming Terms

**Author's Note:**

> Absolutely could not get this thought out of my head. Therefore, here it is for your hopeful enjoyment.

"Hey, Coulson!"

"Sitwell. Good to see you again now that things have calmed down some."

"Definitely. And I'm really glad I could catch you before you and your ducklings shipped out again."

"That's the life in a mobile command unit. Always on the move."

"Come on, you and I both know that that particular plane is decked out more than just any old mobile command unit."

"Fair enough. So, by the way, how are you feeling?"

"Oh, so you think I might possibly be feeling slightly less than perfect after one of those ducklings _tranquilized me in a restricted hallway_?"

"I thought there might be a possibility. Sorry for the misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding."

"Yes."

"Wow. I see your talent for creative wording is only ever going to improve."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, sure. You know you owe me for this one, Phil."

"And here we go."

"Owe me _big_. This isn't one of those times where it's a trip to a diner and we're square."

"Fine. Where are the negotiations starting, then?"

"Negotiations? Phil, really, you think there are going to be negotiations? I am absolutely the wronged party here. I am _naming my terms_."

"Ah."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you got your guys out alive. And I'm pretty sure that Simmons being in that hallway had something to do with it-- Okay, now I'm extremely sure. You should know I can read your poker faces by now-- but still. _Tranquilized in a hallway_."

"Okay, fine. What are your terms, then?"

"Fifteen."

"Fifteen what?"

"Fifteen lunches."

"Just--"

"And not fifteen _cheap_ lunches. Not fast food, _definitely_ not the mess hall, and no, not even diners. We're talking fifteen separate lunches at _least_ in nice neighborhood bistro. No venue that I don't approve."

"All right."

" _And_ I order. For both of us. And I am getting whatever I want. And you are getting _breadsticks_."

"Breadsticks, huh?"

"Okay. Maybe mozzarella sticks or some breaded mushrooms. A quesadilla if I'm feeling particularly generous. But definitely nothing more than an appetizer."

"Time frame?"

"Next fifteen times we're in the same area. No getting out of it. Which, I should mention, means you're not allowed to get yourself killed again at _least_ until your debt to society is paid off."

"I'll do my best to avoid it."

"You'd better. Or I will find a way to bring you back again and you don't even _want_ to know what I'd be ordering after that."

"Noted."

"Glad that's settled."

"So am I."

"Actually, wait. Add one more. Make it sixteen lunches."

"Why are you adding one?"

"Just for the shit I'm going to take for a Level Five getting the drop on me."

"In that case, add one more."

"What? Why?"

"Because she got the drop on you using something Fitz has dubbed the Night-Night Pistol."

"... Know what?"

"What?"

"I hate my life."

"Hey, look on the bright side."

"The bright side."

"At least you're getting seventeen lunches out of the deal."

"Keep it up and it's going to be eighteen."

"Like I said. Good to see you again, Jasper."

"You too, Phil."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Naming Terms by dizmo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153338) by [MissIzzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissIzzy/pseuds/MissIzzy)




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